Breathe, then…Chocolate. 

It’s pretty safe to say that I’m addicted to chocolate. I’m picky with it, though. For instance, I think that white chocolate is an abomination. I refuse to eat it. Absolutely refuse. 

Chocolate has gotten me thru some times. Whenever I feel sad, happy, angry, celebratory, or tired, chocolate is usually at an arm’s reach. 

I keep a bar of Cadbury Fruit & Nut in the top drawer of my nightstand (shhh don’t tell my husband). I also keep one in my handbag, and one stashed away in the kitchen where my daughter can’t find it. It’s absolutely my favorite chocolate bar ever. And I make sure it’s always available. 

There’s the proof.

To the pretentious health food addicts and gym rats: yes I have self control, no I don’t owe you an explanation, but I can sense your dismay through my screen. I usually just have a couple squares whenever I feel the need for a fix and I’m good to go. So stop judging me. 

Tonight’s fix though is this beauty. When it isn’t Cadbury, ice cream is my other drug. Specifically my good friends Ben and Jerry. They’re awesome. 

I told myself I’d demolish this. But I only got 1/4 of the way down.

I’ve had a rough couple weeks. Marriage is hard. Whoever says otherwise is either really lucky, or is lying to themselves and everyone around them. Sorry not sorry. 

There are moments of disconnect. Moments of annoyance. Moments of frustration. Moments of question. Sometimes we just go through phases where instead of seeing eye to eye we see eye to toe. 

Then there’s the toddler. She’s feisty, energetic, and these days, rebellious. Her favorite word is no. There are times when she says to me “mommy you’re my best friend.”  My heart melts. Then there are times I have to force her to get into her pajamas and it’s draining. She’s so full of emotion that I don’t think she always knows how to handle it. She’ll learn, I’m sure. 

Until I reconnect with my husband again, and until my toddler learns to just say “ok mommy” instead of her emphatic “no,” I’ll breathe deeply to get me through the day, and indulge in my chocolate fixes when I’m finally alone at night. The 2-3 hours I get in between her going to bed and my husband coming home from work are the hours I sometimes yearn for throughout the day. 

I cherish my family. Love my husband. Adore my daughter. But nothing you love, want or even need comes easy. It’s overwhelming, but that’s what chocolate is for, right? 

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